The couple first met in 2014 at a Santa Barbara coffee shop, then called the French Press and now named Dune Coffee. At the time, Mr. Elia had a recording studio in the basement of the shop for his work as a music producer and DJ. He would often read the newspaper over coffee before heading downstairs. Ms. Picciuto was pursuing a master’s degree in global studies, with a focus on spiritual tourism, from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and regularly used the coffee shop as a place to study.

She noticed that Mr. Elia was always sitting at the corner table in the back, and one day, asked him about a book he was reading. From there, they began what became a ritual of meeting there for small talk before moving on to their respective projects. For two and half years, they were simply cappuccino buddies.

“So much of our friendship was just showing up in the morning,” Mr. Elia said.

In the next six months, their relationship began to change. Ms. Picciuto would find reasons to hang out with Mr. Elia outside the coffee shop. One trick, she said, was to order a bottle of wine at a local wine bar, then text Mr. Elia to join her since she “couldn’t drink it all.” Mr. Elia started to feel jealous when Ms. Picciuto talked about dates with other men or how she joined Bumble, the dating app. Their friends noticed that they would grocery shop together but claim they weren’t interested in dating. Ms. Picciuto even told a friend that she wanted Mr. Elia to be her future “co-parent.”

“There is no one way to do life, and we make a good team,” she said of wanting to have children with him. “I just felt like he could be the one to be my co-parent.”

Mr. Elia made the first serious move on July 7, 2017, a date they now refer to as when “he spoke the unspeakable.” Ms. Picciuto was set to travel to the Indonesian island of Bali for three months for a project related to her master’s program. Mr. Elia, who by then had strong romantic feelings, said he needed to know about them as a couple so he could make plans for the future; he was debating whether to move to Los Angeles. Ms. Picciuto admits she was terrified as she valued the intimacy and closeness of their friendship, and she wanted him as a co-parent. Would romance ruin all that? The two decided to go for it.

Source: New York Times

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